My official election prediction

Well, it isn't really a prediction.

Basically I'm combining my two favorite polling sources and a betting site and making a guess, the only point of which will be another post where I share how right -- or wrong -- I was.

So to avoid any lack of crediting, here are my sources:

FiveThirtyEight -- named for the total available electoral college votes and run by experienced pollster Nate Silver. This gets top billing because I trust it the most.

Pollster -- run by Mark Blumenthal, it's much more user friendly than 538 and I place nearly as much trust in its trends.

Intrade -- although it has had some fishy moments, I place a good deal of value in its state-by-state predictions.

OK, here's the prediction:

Obama/Biden: 353 McCain/Palin: 185

Obama will surely win: MA, CT, ME, NH, RI, VT, NY, NJ, MD, DC, DE, PA, MI, NM, CO, CA, WA, OR, HI, IL, WI, MN, IA

Obama will probably win: NV, OH, VA

I bet Obama takes: FL, NC

McCain will surely win: SC, TX, AL, LA, MS, TN, KY, OK, AR, WV, KS, NE, ND, SD, AZ, UT, ID, WY, AK

McCain will probably win: GA, MT

I bet McCain wins: IN, MO

Basically, I don't buy that McCain has any shot in Pennsylvania. I think Obama has Ohio pretty well in hand. I think Florida and North Carolina will both be close for Obama. I think Georgia will be close, but will go to McCain. And I'm doubtful Obama can pull off Indiana. But it will be an overwhelming victory for the Obama ticket.

Obama - 52% McCain - 45.5%, with remaining 2.5% going to third party candidates.

All in all, a terrific day for Democrats.

**********************

Best of the rest:

The best Senate race is without a doubt in Minnesota, where incumbent Republican Norm Coleman is battling SNL's Al Franken. Third party candidate Dean Barkley, with almost no money, has made this an exciting battle. Although Barkley has little chance, he has opened the door for Franken to take it. This is too close to predict.

Other races to watch:

• Liddy Dole likely to lose her seat in N.C.


• Ted Stevens likely to lose his seat in A.K. following fraud conviction.


• Saxby Chambliss, who won by defaming war hero Max Cleland in 2002, will probably still prevail in Georgia. If high African-American turnout puts Dem. candidate Jim Martin over the edge, it could be huge day for Obama and Dems.


• I expect Republican Senate leader Mitch McConnell to win in K.Y.


• Watch Mississippi's race between Roger Wicker (R) and Ronnie Musgrove (D). A Dem win bodes well for them. Obama has been gaining in this deep South state.
  

Bottom line: Dems get 59 or 60 Senate seats (including Sanders (I-VT) but not Lieberman(mopey-CT), big majority in House, and a Democratic president.

Thanks Bush!

My official endorsement for President

In 2004, I followed the election with all the cynicism of a snarky college freshman, convinced that South Park had it right: When all you have to choose between is a turd sandwich and a giant douche, you really have no choice at all.

I didn't vote. Truth is, I wasn't really sure if I could stand Kerry any more or less than Bush. Yet, when Bush won, I felt disappointed. My gut was telling me he was the wrong choice.

In that same year, I wrote a paper for my English class, one of the first college papers I wrote. It was about a young Senator from Illinois who roused the Democratic convention with his unbelievable story, his passion, and his soaring rhetoric. It was about Barack Obama.

By late 2007, I grew more convinced than ever how wrong George W. Bush has been for this country. I'm not going to list his failures here. This is about the direction we take on Jan. 20, 2009. By all accounts, it looked like it was Hillary vs. the Republicans. The return of the Clintons. My cynicism remained. I liked Barack but I didn't think he could win.

Then came Iowa, when Obama shocked everyone and won, with young voters pushing him over the top. I saw my chance: He would be coming to South Carolina, and my vote could help make him a candidate for president. This was for real.

My roommate and I went to see him with Oprah. I hate Oprah. But I loved Obama and Michelle. On Jan. 26, I slapped an Obama sticker on my car and drove around town, beeping my horn at all the supporters waving signs. I did what I consider to be the most important action of my short life and voted for Obama. My cynicism was gone.

After that came Hope. Yes We Can. This is Our Moment. Soaring speeches and tough debates. Obama kept his cool and kept on doing the impossible. It took forever but he finally won the nomination.

Since then, I've sobered up. I no longer think Obama will change the very nature of politics in America. He's more conventional than I thought. But in other ways, he's even better than I could have imagined. And my cynicism hasn't returned.

He's proven to be the more cautious and careful campaigner. He's attacked, but fairly. He's dodged bullets by taking them head on; he's stayed focused, never wavering or panicking. He's shown himself to be curious, intelligent and thoughtful. He's exactly the kind of president I want. Some jackasses call him the anti-Christ. But really, he's the anti-Bush.

I don't agree with him on everything. Sometimes I'm more liberal. Sometimes I'm more conservative. Sometimes I'm just plain crazy. But Obama's positions have always been measured and reasonable, and that's a breath of fresh air.

Along the way, I've talked with liberals and conservatives alike who were worried. Does he have enough experience? Are we heading toward socialism? What about this Rev. Wright guy? I've tried to answer them as eloquently as Obama (with mixed results).

This isn't meant to convince anyone. I could never state the case as succinctly as Colin Powell. If you haven't made up your mind by now, read this piece by David Sedaris.  I'm merely letting everyone out there know: you have nothing to be afraid of.  I've followed Obama for a long time now, and he has done nothing but continue to impress me.  He will be an impressive president; a Clinton without the drama. 

His race and his party may keep him from ever attaining atmospheric popularity, but I'm confident he has the best interests of this country at heart. On positions and on personality, Obama has presented himself as the most agreeable candidate.

A brief word on the opposition. I used to like John McCain ("Oh, you mean when he was a Democrat?" said a friend). But, no, really. He seemed to have developed a genuine independent streak, whatever his past as an underachiever and the whole Keating mess. But he threw that out the window in an attempt to win this election.

He's defended attacks he must know in his heart were unfair. He picked a completely unqualified candidate for V.P. because she was a woman and because she placated the nutball right-wingers that distrusted him. He's gruff, angry and impulsive. He made the cynical moves, and maybe he had to, with the election tilted towards the Democrats the way it was. But he's tarnished now, in my eyes, and he's made the decision that much easier.

The less we hear of Sarah Palin in the future the better. She is many things, least of all scary and dangerous. More on her later, if necessary. (I hope not).

So there is the choice. Between the desperate old man and a youngster full of hope and promise. Between progress and business as usual. Between the past and the future. Decide according to your own conscience.

I often give people this anecdote when they ask why I support Barack with such passion.  As a person who obsesses over politics it was disheartening not having a major national figure I could get behind. Hillary? Edwards? Kerry? None were deserving enough for me.  I wanted to be the old guy with the picture of JFK or FDR hanging on my wall. I was jealous. I wanted a president I could be proud of.

On November 4, I'm going to supplant my most important act with a vote for Barack Obama as the next President of the United States. It will make history. But that's a small matter. I hope it will make things better.

He's got a full plate. The hole George W. has dug may be too big to climb out of. But I can't think of any other person I'd rather have leading the way. And corny as it sounds, if he wins, I'll be putting a picture of him up in my room.

Californication

Since the most consistent visitor to this blog is from California, I'd like to take the time out to highlight a very interesting situation in that state.

A recent state Supreme Court decision declared it unconstitutional to deny gay couples the right to marry, citing the equal protection clause in the state's constitution. Naturally, the only way to reverse that decision would be to amend the constitution.

Enter Proposition 8, which is designed to do just that.

What is so shocking about this case is that, according to the NY Times, it has attracted conservative religious leaders -- and dollars -- from across the country. They see this as a central front in the battle against gay marriage. From the ubiquitous Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council, to the hip Rev. Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Drive Life and goatee wearer, religious leaders have lined up to take away the constitutional rights of gay men and women in the state of California.

Look, I understand that for some this is a sensitive moral issue. And I understand that states like South Carolina will probably never allow same sex marriage. But the simple fact is that these zealots are using fear, religion and children to promote their agenda of discrimination.

No one wants to force churches to perform ceremonies for gay couples. No one wants to force children to consider being gay alongside considering to volunteer or learning about science. If you're gay, you're gay. It's that simple. You should be able to marry any consenting adult if you so please. Denying that right makes no sense.

What will happen to marriage if gay couples are allowed to wed? Nothing. Easy-to-obtain divorces have already diluted the institution of marriage. There's nothing left to damage.

And really, how could gay marriage hurt straight marriage? How would allowing more people to commit to each other and raise children and live healthy lifestyles possibly hurt marriage? If anything, it may even strengthen it.

Look at some of the ads the "Yes on Prop 8" people are running:





Oh, the horror! Little Timmy and Sally will go to straight to hell once they find out about those evil, evil gay people! It will hurt our religious freedom! We will be ostracized because of our hatred of people based on their sexual orientation! The Bible has several vague verses which condemn gays, so, like, I say they shouldn't get married!

Give me a break. In America, you can believe what you want to believe. You can believe being gay is an abomination. You can believe certain races are inferior. You can believe that that everyone on the West Coast should be shot and killed. But you have no right to put that discrimination into law.

You can't turn the clock back on progress with discriminatory laws. We're passed the point where you can pretend gays don't exist by plugging your ears and covering your eyes, or that there is some 'cure' out there, as if being gay is a disease. Maybe you don't like it. Maybe you don't like interracial marriage either. Too bad.

Californians: Do the right thing. Reject conservative religious zealotry. We've come too far to put bigotry back into our institutions. Vote No on Prop 8.

I'll leave you with a few "No" vids:





*At least for this post, please keep your comments serious.

I Like...

These YouTube videos, which I found linked on Andrew Sullivan's blog.

Featuring: The return of the Wassup Guys:



And, a brief overview of the VP situation in the McCain-Palin camp:

Time to retire...

Driving to school/work* today, I was stuck at a stoplight next to a tan Honda CR-V. The SUV had both it's windows down and the young white kid in the front was tapping his fingers to the beat that was blaring from his speakers.

What song was it?

Back that Ass Up by Juvenile.

Seriously.

OK, this song needs to be retired. At first it was like a cool song that you were the man if you knew all the lyrics to. And the video had those vixens doing that popping thing with their booty. When you're in high school, that's like totally sweet I guess. Then, later, the song would come on and everyone would laugh and it'd be totally ironic as a bunch of white kids tried to imitate Juve'. But I'm thinking that the irony clock has run out on this song. Now it's just sad.

Is this really the song this guy wanted to hear at 9 o'clock in the morning? Not that rap is bad, but how about something from this decade? I cringe to think that Back that Ass Up is a classic.

I'm sure someone is already thinking of making a comment about how it is a classic, and how I'm wrong or whatever. So here's the video. Before you comment, watch the whole thing. And if you don't feel a little dirty or sad afterward, then you may proceed. And how horrible I feel for you if that's the case. Also you're required to be up early in the morning/not drunk.






*I've been having trouble with this lately, because I always say "work" even though it is "school." But I'm locked in a windowless office for hours and hours, stuck in a suffocating black cubicle. That's work. The only difference is I don't get paid, which essentially makes it suck more, and more work-like than school-like. So I'm sticking with "work" from here out.

No words...

...can do this justice. Just watch:





Ok but, I just have one quarrel. If it's Thursday, and you're doing this "live" or whatever, you can't really get away with saying, "It's Saturday night!" I mean, it's not. It's Thursday. It's "Weekend Update" Thursday. So, why not just, um, not say that it's Saturday? Cuz it ain't. It's just not. Can't these people find a different way to introduce the show on a Thursday? This is just another example of why SNL is, while funny, just painfully awkward sometimes. They just don't think things through.

Read local papers!

I may meander a bit, but stay with me on this one.

In the most recent issue of Columbia's Free Times (a solid free weekly) food columnist Eva Moore, her of thick-rimmed hipster glasses, has an article about local pizza joints written just in time for National Pizza Month to end.

At the risk of over-analyzing an article about pizza that clearly is one of those oh-damn-what-can- I-write-about journalistic things I usually read out of sheer empathy, I'm going to deconstruct what I find wrong with the article.

First, the headline, which Ms. Moore may not have written (not sure about the editing setup at FT). It says, simply: Eat local pizza!

I tried in an earlier post (scroll down) to express my contempt for liking something because it's "local" and this certainly cements it. Like something because it's good, not because it's local. I'm just as PO'ed as the next guy over the fact that chains are zapping the life out of cities, as McDonalds and Wal-Marts crush the last vestiges of originality. But that's no reason to blindly support something "local." If a lady is selling crappy coffee out of the back of her pickup truck, that's pretty local, but I'd rather go to Starbucks.

OK, there's that. I also take issue with her rather narrow definition of what a good pizza is, how a crust should be exactly as she likes it, and how the sauce needs to be "balanced," which I guess would help the pizza from falling over in the box or something. A good pizza can be any number of things, from big-slice New York-style to deep-dish Chicago style to Hawaiian style. Crust can be doughy and undercooked, or extremely crispy. You may not even need any sauce. Basically the only requirements for me is that pizza tastes delicious and can be eaten with your hands.

Next, let's look at her list of pizza places. I've always thought that Columbia had a terrific choice of pizza. I mean, there's almost way too many pizza restaurants around town.

She leaves Dano's off her list, which is criminal. It blows Pop's out of the water, even though the slices are smaller. Dano's pizza, when it's done right, melts in your mouth the way an expensive steak does. I had lunch there today after I got my hair cut. Little hairs sprinkled onto my pizza. It still tasted better than Pop's.

Next, she disses Mellow Mushroom's crust because it's undercooked. Well I like it that way, thank you very much. MM can be a little inconsistent, but I've never left disappointed (or hungry, or, for that matter, sober).

Pizza Man -- She got it right that you go there to see the regulars and to drink. The pizza is what it is. Probably didn't deserve mention.

To misquote 50 Cent -- Where's Za's? The first words on the damn Web site are "Locally owned." This alone should have sent the Free Times into convulsions. I should note I've never eaten here, but I've heard great things. I'm thinking about going on Friday. Hit me up.

And, in her most egregious error, she recommends Pizza Hut. Ugh. I really hope this was some sort of inside joke, but I'm doubtful. Pizza Hut is miserably gross.

Then, in short order, she trashes Papa John's. I like Papa John's. I like some people who work there. I like to eat their pizza. It's tasty. Plus they give you garlic sauce. Yummy. Papa Johns' knows how to make good pizza.

I mean, seriously Eva, who walks into a PJ's and orders a spinach alfredo pizza? What were you thinking? That's like ordering a burger medium-rare at McDonald's. No one should be that clueless. Next time try their white pizza.

Props, though, for avoiding Village Idiot. I was there last night. Um...I don't like that place. It had a weird, protective vibe about it, like somehow I was going to steal a chair. And then some girl actually accused me of stealing a chair she was saving, even though there were like 40 other chairs strewn about and I was only moving the chair to get to the bar, in hopes of getting a drink. I just gave her a look that was half What? and half Fuck you.

And I never did get that drink. PEOPLE: please move away from the bar after you are served I need my booze pretty please I'm not here to chat with you mindless fucks I just need that juice OMG GET OUT OF THE WAY.

I'm using all caps too much now, which is scary (as in, any time you use it is too much, but I think it's mildly appropriate above). I also messed up their/there like 10 times in this article, and I don't know why. I think I need a nap.

Ring back tones

One time I was delivering wings and I had to call a lady to come down and get her chicken, OK?  And so I called her and she had a ring-back tone or whatever where it plays music instead of ringing.  It was a new Jack Johnson song, and at the time it was one of my favorite songs.  The lady didn't answer so I had to call back a few times, but I didn't mind, because I kept hearing the song.  And when she did finally answer, and came down for the chicken, she was gorgeous, with a megawatt smile and auburn hair and oh, her eyes, and yeah I probably fell in love delivering wings.

That's the good part.

Then comes this.

More and more I hear these ring-back tones as I deliver and I absolutely hate the songs.  And when people don't answer I have to hear them over and over.  And the song quality is horrible, and it's usually loud so I have to point the phone sort-of away from my ear while it's "ringing."  From garbage rap songs to yee-hah country it's nearly unbearable.

So basically I can't stand ring-back tones anymore.  They're the epitome of a self-absorbed mindset.  Because, really, what is the point?  How often does one call their own cell-phone?  Almost never, unless you've lost it or something.  The ring-back tone exists solely for those who actually call: friends, family, wing and pizza deliverers, potential employers, creepy guys from eHarmony.

If this really is for the benefit of the caller there is a tacit assumption you, the caller, will like my ring-back tone: you will like the song, you will like the song's volume, you will like the song's quality.

And, most of the time, I don't.  So the whole purpose of the ring-back tone is moot.  It's a failure.  It just doesn't work.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Because while I'm sitting here waiting for you to maybe possibly answer the damn phone when I call, I have to endure some Toby Keith song over and over and over I think I may just take my phone and your chicken and throw it into the woods.

Bottom line: music is personal.  If I want your recommendation, I'll be chipper enough to ask. Stop paying for the ring-back tone, because odds are you have a horrible taste in music, in my opinion at least.  And I'm the one listening.  So my opinion counts.

P.S. Jack Johnson lady . . . call me . . . I promise you free chicken.

Go Cocks!

So, tonight I went downtown. And the LSU fans were out in swarms. Or bigger. They had almost complete control of Sharky's. They were everywhere.

And yet, I wasn't at all angry, like when there were too many Georgia fans in Columbia. LSU fans are possibly the most amazing fans to party with in the entire world. They dance to "Baby Got Back" without a trace of irony. They're just drunk. Extremely drunk. And dancing all the time, it doesn't matter what song. Until . . .

Yeah, they played "Callin' Baton Rouge." The LSU fans went wild.

Operator won't you put me on through
I gotta send my love down to Baton Rouge
Hurry up won't you put her on the line
I gotta talk to the girl just one more time.

I will admit, without any shame, that I sang along. Loudly. It's a damn fine song, especially when you're several beers deep, which, no matter the time, LSU fans probably are. They get HAMMERED. And they keep dancing and drinking and singing along.

I went to LSU and New Orleans once. It chewed me up and spit me out. It left me wanting more and robbed me of my dignity at the same time. I wanted to destroy the damn place, but then again, I never wanted to leave. They took my wallet from my pants pocket. They can have it. It was worth it.

And that Garth Brooks song. I'll always sing along to it. It's a great song. I'll still hold that we were louder when 2001 came on. Some dispute this. I'll take none of that.

This was, I'll contribute, my first trip downtown on a busy night since the smoking ban in Columbia went into effect on Oct. 1. You think the LSU fans went outside to have a cigarette, like so many USC-ers lined up? Not a damn chance.

Of course, you do notice the negatives. The girls are few and far between. And most of them have crooked teeth. Then again, maybe I was just at the wrong bar. There are too many LSU fans as is. But God Damn, those LSU boys get drunk no matter where they're at.

It's nearly impossible to hate an LSU fan. Their team is good. They have cool songs. New Orleans is hands down the greatest drinking town in the world. And Baton Rouge ain't too shabby either. I wouldn't want to drink anywhere else, SEC or the entire world. It's irreplaceable. Maybe I was just at the wrong bar. It's certainly possible.

UPDATE: But in case there is any doubt, I hope we beat their pants off and send them home miserable just like they did to us a year ago.

************

Random Thoughts

************

Isn't it interesting when you know someone knows you and yet you've never met that person? The tension is palpable. That person walks by you, it seems, again and again. You're constantly looking over your shoulder and yet you're cool with whatever happens. (Because you probably deserve it anyway).

Hell, it can be hard to be evil, or to be intrinsically mean. But it's a lot of fun to be the villain, to play that role. To know someone looks at you with disgust and all you can do to console that person is shrug and hope they get how cruel the world can be. If they're some idealist, you're nearly assured of a punch in the face. Luckily the idealists are dying off.

*************

Also, a simple comment, I hope this doesn't get me in trouble.

But it just seemed like a majority of the girls at Pour House on the particular night I was there all had a disability. Not something life threatening or even something that would fuck up your month, but just a slight "something-ain't-right-ness" -- be it a crooked tooth or a wobbly frame -- something is just a bit off.

*************

A quick note, as well.

I saw a girl tonight who was a dead ringer for April.

I mean, she was wearing a yellow jacket.

Oh, I can't express how amazingly hot that is.

If you're considering a Halloween outfit, I recommend April. She's the hottest cartoon next to Jessica Rabbit. Either of those would make you a Halloween queen.

That's all, good night.

Give me a break...

None of these things automatically qualifies you as "cool":

• "Supporting local music" - Big deal.  That band sucks anyway and I've never heard any of these songs.  I'm bored and here to drink, not to experience the sensation of my ears bleeding.
• "Liking 'good' wine or coffee or whatever" - Try that java thing from Sonic.  It tastes good.  And it's from Sonic, which is normally disgusting.  Dunkin' Donuts has good coffee, you don't need a damn 'local' shop (Although I do like Cool Beans).  There's a fine line between having standards and being pretentious.
• "Having a well-paying job" - Wow.  I'm so impressed.  Your work ethic is astounding.  And you bore the ever-living shit out of me.
• "Drinking top-shelf liquor" - In the time it's taken you to sip on that single-malt whatever, I've pounded six Beam and Cokes and I'm probably dancing on a table.
• "Not putting off your work in class and blogging without any hope of a coherent point" - Yeah, and I bet you don't ever use double negatives when you blog either.  Maybe you don't even blog.  Oh God, you are soooo cool.  I bet you think sarcasm is for people with no intellect.  Go drink some local coffee and listen to a local band.  I'm going to put on some Pink Floyd and drink some Bud Light until you appear somewhat interesting.

Here's a discussion for the comments section:

Why does this blog's author suck?  Be specific.

I love...

...this show

And you should too.

The S.C. State Fair

Who goes to this thing?

Why?

What makes it fun?

Seriously, I'd like to know.

Rocky! Rocky!

What a week for low expectations!

On Thursday, Sarah Palin survived the debate by regurgitating words she learned in a three-day debate prep, forming sentences that don't hold up when you actually listen to what she said, and somehow that qualifies as a gutsy, folksy, cutesy performance, one that exceeded expectations.

Well when you expect an airhead and instead get a mindless drone, I suppose that is a step up.

Then on display Saturday was the curious case of Kimbo Slice, the fighting phenom who was tearing up the MMA world with his shocking power and his sensational YouTube videos.

Or, perhaps the more honest introduction would have went like this: Capitalizing on the excitement young adolescents feel when they watch bum fights on the Internet, a jacked former homeless man videotapes himself punching the crap out of half-wits and neighborhood morons, sending their shellacked asses to the ground time and time again.

Because Kimbo found out what Americans actually like in a fight: not grabbing, kicking, scratching and failing arms, but a good clean knockout. BAM! Right to the jaw.

The rise of MMA and the rise of knockout videos on the Internet are two parts of the same phenomenon. I'm not necessarily saying that's a bad thing: Give the people what they want. And I enjoy a good knockout video as much as the next guy.

But let's be clear. Just because you have a good punch doesn't make you a good athlete or the next big thing in sports. It makes you a YouTube star and a circus sideshow.

So it's no surprise that, just four fights into his "professional" MMA career at CBS, this happened to Kimbo Slice:



Yeah, just a few seconds in, and Kimbo catches a surprise right from the guy with pink hair who filled in for Ken Shamrock.

And how did the announcer react? Like it was the greatest sporting moment since the 1980 Miracle hockey team:

Rocky! Rocky is here!
Seth Petruzelli shocks the world!...
The most INCREDIBLE. VICTORY. In the HISTORY of MIXED MARTIAL ARTS!
Seth Petruzelli! IT can HAPPEN. BE-LIEVE!...
If you have a dream. If you're willing to step into a cage and fight for your life.
YOU! Can be anything you want...

Meanwhile, newly anointed Rocky is running around like he just got away from a rabid bear and is torn between celebrating and looking around to make sure Slice doesn't come out of nowhere to hit him in the face. Because he has shown a little brutality before.

Am I only the one who feels this whole nonsense is a little fake? A little too much WWF and not enough like anything resembling a real sport? Something like wrestling turned reality show minus a cohesive story line?

All that really happened was a 34-year-old over-hyped steroid-fueled street menace was dropped with a lucky punch by some dumbass who decided pink highlights was the way to stand out in a crowded MMA world.

And there we have this jackass CBS announcer acting like this is important? He says History! like this fight actually matters in the great story of the world.

So next time you hear about an Internet phenomenon, think bum fights. The next time you hear some idiot rant about history, think: Will this really matter? When we expect our sports heroes to do nothing but create cool YouTube videos of their awesome "knockouts," well, that's just more low expectations. Any idiot can make a YouTube video.

Please, watch all the knockout videos you want, but remember that Muhammed Ali and Kimbo Slice don't belong in the same sentence. They don't even belong in the same book.

Elsewhere...

First this...



Now this:

O. J. Simpson Found Guilty in Robbery Trial

You betcha!

The only reason to watch the debate last night was the small possibility that a national candidate would melt under the klieg lights and do something that completely screws over their running mate.  Sarah Palin was about 50-50 to do it; Biden's odds were better, though he could have been equally destructive.

But, as predicted, both candidates were up to snuff.  Biden can still be a little ridiculous but he toned it down and focused on McCain.  Most of Palin's sentences were somewhat well formed, but, some were not (read down to No. 11).  

With expectations so low, Palin almost had to stare blankly for 20 seconds in order for someone to scream, "Gaffe!"  I mean, if you're only casually listening, it sounds like she's making all the usual points.  But when you break it down, what she really does is throw together a bunch of words semi-coherently then, when she's in a panic, throws in some sort of faux folksy nonsense, like "You betcha!" or "Gee, you know."

And she also says the word "also" way too much, and for seemingly no reason.  If she makes two points in secession, she just throws the also at the end of a sentence.  It sounds awful, but I bet her slight nervousness and the (supposed) charm of her accent more than cover for how dumb she sounds.

But I think people are wise to her game.  They know she was too good to be true (A hockey mom who can run the country!).  They see her for what she truly is (An ideologue and a zealot who doesn't have a strong enough grasp on what's going on in the world).

So I'm not too worried.  If anything, it just sort of prolongs the agony (More interviews!).

Rising to the top - on straight B.S.

Everyone who has written too many English papers or gotten away with not paying attention in class and still got a passing grade knows the savior that is the term bullshit.

It's uses are many:

• Man I bullshitted that answer.
• That was pure bullshit.
• I BS'ed my way through that whole class.

As any bullshitter (and I count myself among the best) can tell you, when you resort to this tactic, it's really simple: Know some key words and phrases, throw them together, try to make it sound complicated and be extra confident.  The hope is that whoever is doing the grading is simply too busy to notice.

With that small introduction, I'd like you to consider the ultimate in bullshittin': Sarah Palin.  A woman who has taken the most basic Republican talking points, mixed them up with some down-home, hockey-mom bullshit, and has managed to not only become governor of the great state of Alaska, but the Republican nominee for vice president.

Past presidents have lied, but they did it because they were smart, not to hide their intellectual deficiencies.  (W. never even tried to hide them.)  But watch some videos of Palin and it becomes clear that she's so full of shit it just has to come pouring out of her mouth.

I'm not going to expound on this too much. I'll merely laugh at the obvious comparison.

And yeah, I kind of feel bad for her.  All that new training and those vocab words are just jumbled up in that simple God-fearing brain of hers.  Some people find it endearing.  Most are starting to find it scary.

And that's some real shit.