Ch-Ch-Changes

OK, so I realize this is my third post on late-night TV in a short time.

But bear with me.

Because the institutions of late night TV are as American as apple pie.

And in 2009, we're in for a change.

Conan is set to take over at The Tonight Show in March, and Jimmy Fallon will fill in behind Conan at Late Night.

I'm a big Conan fan, and I'm excited about the move. But that leaves a gaping hole at the 12:30* time, because Jimmy Fallon is a ginormous tool, and Craig Ferguson (at CBS) has a thick accent.**

But I'll get to that below. What I want to say most is how torn I'm going to be between Conan and David Letterman. I've always been a Dave and Conan guy. CBS first, NBC after. Conan is kind of like the people's champ, and a college-age king, so I'm interested to see what he does with The Tonight Show. But, if you haven't been watching, Dave has been putting on the best late night TV I have ever seen.

It isn't as crazy as the old Dave or the old Conan (Dave would fuck with drive-thru people, Conan and his masturbating bear). But it's GOOD. Like, extremely well done.

Two things are contributing, I think.

1. Dave becoming a father. It has given him a new outlook, and an entirely different attitude. He seems more upbeat, which makes him that much funnier. He hosts like the show is just something he does, like it's unimportant, which gives it a breeziness that is quite appealing. A little while ago, Dave had Biff put his son's teddy bear on that fake bridge backdrop. This, right before he had Barack Obama on. Listening to Dave as he describes a conversation with his son is funny, emotional and just damn good TV. When he talks about having a child, he does it in such a universal way. It's so easy to imagine yourself in his shoes.

2. Politics (well, related to 1.). I think Dave, the king of irony and self-deprecation, got a new outlook on life after he became a father. I think he started to care more about the future. And he got political. He went after Bush all the time, with stuff like "Great Moments in Presidential Speeches." He got into heated fights will Bill O'Reilly. He was firm and vocal about his anti-war views, and, to me, served as the Cronkite-like moral voice of our era. When Dave was against it, you knew something was wrong.

More than ever, Dave is just doing what he wants. And his instincts are good. I suggest tuning in.

I'm not sure I've convinced you, after reading what I just wrote. Here's another example. When Paris Hilton came on, right after she went to jail, she kept trying to change the subject. But that's all he wanted to talk about. And he kept bringing it up, again and again. It was a little uncomfortable, but extremely funny. And I think it's exactly what his viewers wanted to hear about, too.

And when John McCain snubbed him for Katie Couric (over the whole campaign-on-hold economy fiasco), he stole an internal feed to show McCain having makeup applied before his Couric interview. And the CBS News people were pissed but he just laughed at 'em. Then he had Couric on and spent the whole time making fun of Sarah Palin, basically. He forgot to talk about the McCain snub, and someone wrote an article about it in the NY Post. So he just puts a segment in the next day where he calls Couric to talk about it, and he goofs around with her until she's like, uh, I got to go, I have a show, too. It's genius in its simplicity and damn funny.

Stuff like this keeps happening. It's must-see TV.

UPDATE: I'm always trying to think, in my head, of three people, dead or alive, I'd like to have as dinner guests. It used to be a question they'd always ask athletes in the NY Post, which I grew up reading.*** Dave is always on the list. The other two are always the hardest. Carlin, Taibbi, David Foster Wallace, Bill Hicks, etc., etc. Maybe I'll have a post about this later.

*- One possibility is that ABC will nab Leno and bump Jimmy Kimmel back a little, which would instantly give them a huge place in the late night TV world that they've never had (presumably, assuming people watch The Tonight Show for Leno and not due to some brand or institutional loyalty.). And it would give me something to watch at 12:30 (Kimmel is a funny dude, but he relies on his security guards too much, and their stuff is inconsistent and often boring. But overall a funny show.)

**- I'm like legally deaf and accents are very hard to understand, especially on a small TV with tinny speakers. And captioning ruins jokes. I do think Ferguson is quite funny, though.

***And whose flashy and often offensive headlines are the type I instinctively come up with first when I'm writing headlines for a newspaper (if, say, that were my job, which I'm not confirming or denying). Some quick examples:

Holy Shiite (about the Koran in the toilet story)
Kiss Your Asteroid Goodbye
Wacko Jacko Backo
Let U$ Prey (About rapist priests...something about money too)
Hill No! (Clinton says she'll never run for president)
Jiggle All The Way (About getting boob jobs for Christmas)

More thoughts on late night TV

Another thing that really struck me about late night TV was the advertising. It's terrible.

See, most ads these days are anti-ads, they appeal to you by trying to be slightly ironic. They know you know its a commercial, so they want you to feel in on the joke as they sell you their beer or sneakers, etc.

Late night TV is not that subtle. Late night advertising is like a hammer of obviousness to your face, with a dash of completely weird sprinkled on your corpse. Here are some examples:



Air Wick commercials. The one I saw had a frog-mother type. These here are rabbits. Notice rabbit-mother, forced to entertain for drunken husband-rabbit. See husband-rabbit hung over, and later, aroused by Air Wick scents. See useless husband-rabbit inable to get lights on the Christmas tree. And the rabbit has an English accent, naturally.

Most of the commercials on late night TV are geared toward impoverished people, old people and people with health problems. It's incredibly depressing to watch, because you feel like defacto members of those groups. There are also the commericals for the "chat" or "talk" lines which may be phone sex-related. You find yourself repeating over and over, "I'm not old, I don't need Mucinex, I'm not dirt poor, I'm not dying." Except you know only like half of those things are true (I am pretty broke, and we're all dying).

This is why I need at least 100 channels. If I'm forced to linger on any one channel for too long, I start to notice things like in this post and the previous one, and my head starts to spin.

Thoughts on late night TV

Spent some time watching television last night.  I only have the basic, antenna-reception cable, and it was late, so obviously: Conan.  His guest was X-Men star Hugh Jackman, who was on hand to promote Australia, the movie he did with Nicole Kidman and director Baz Lurhmann (all are Aussies).

So anyway, if you'd like, go watch his appearance on the show. (You can skip ahead).

Am I the only one completely creeped out by this?

The first thing they talk about is that he is 'Sexiest Man Alive.' And he tries to come off as a hard-ass, talking about his 'mates.' Then he whips out a wallet-sized photo of his People magazine cover, which he announces the audience will be lucky enough to have. The whole thing is odd. Maybe its only because I watch Entourage and think I know how this whole business works.  How these talk shows and magazines basically collude to pump up the fame and egos of these guys that star in hundred-million-dollar movies.

There's no real substance there.  He's faking it, whatever it is, and it comes off horribly condescending.

I'm not sure if anyone else is going to agree with me.  But the audience seemed to be just as bored and/or confused.

BONUS POINTS HERE: For Conan.  He tries to get Jackman (whom I like, for the record) to give an example of phrases that Australians use that Americans don't know or understand.  The dude comes up with, "Kick the bucket," which is so trite and American a phrase they made a sappy old-man movie about it.  Conan's response: Well, yeah, we know that one.  "Shut the door means close the door..." he said.  Nice.

And then the odd smuggling the buggie(sp?) thing, where he's basically like, "Hey, girls, let me talk about my kibbles and bits for ya, I'm sexiest man alive!" in that Crocodile-Dundee, my-knife-is-bigger-than-your-knife dick-swinging voice.

I hope this is not coming off as jealousy. I'm just offended by the canned questions and the obvious advertisements (more later).  And the awkwardness was palpable. OK basically this guy can act and all but his charm is so forced and faked he comes off like a boob. Like the complete opposite of Clooney. That's just what I think.

I still might see that movie, anyway.

UPDATE: If you don't care enough about any of this, you can skip ahead in the Conan episode to Tom Morello, performing Whatever it Takes. I wasn't even sure what to make of this song at first, but I think it's pretty damn good.  Watch 'til the end.